In Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is a term that is used frequently, but what is happiness? How would you describe happiness to someone who does not know what the word means? It really is a difficult term to define. Assuming we know what it means, how do we achieve it? What do we do to retain it? Does it depend on internal or external factors?

Happiness is a state of being — an internal process that is independent of external forces. Happiness is a state of freedom — freedom from judgment, thoughts and worries, what ifs, should’s and could’s, comparisons, expectations, disappointments, anger, resentment, and so on. It is a state of contentment, a state where one fully accepts the moment as it is, without expecting it to be anything more or less.

Happiness that is based on what happens or does not happen, what is gained and what is lost, what others say or not say, what we posses or are missing, what we look like or how old we are, is not happiness at all. If we base our happiness on all of these external factors, as you can imagine, happiness will become a fleeting state as external factors fluctuate constantly. Happiness will inevitably be short-lived as everything in life is short-lived. Making space for anything and everything that happens in our lives, whether we have control over it or not, is key to happiness. This does not mean we should not work towards creating comfort and pleasures in our lives and achieving financial or other types of success. On the contrary, a free and happy state is more likely to pursue success in various aspects of life.

How do you work towards becoming happy? Practice acceptance of things as they are. Happiness is compromised when we fight reality. Reality will always prevail. You might as well go with it. Acceptance is something you can practice and get better at with time. It may be too much to expect that on day one you will be able to accept a very difficult situation. So, it’s best to practice with little things.

Did someone cut you off in traffic? Just take a deep breath, and let those anger thoughts just dissipate. Don’t feed a story in your mind about the other person’s intentions. Just practice accepting that small event and then let it go.

If you pay attention, you will notice many events throughout your day that will give you an opportunity to practice. As these events take place, pay attention to the emotions that arise in you. Focus on your breathing and keep in mind that you are practicing. You can even turn it into a game. With every little thing that you notice that creates some negative reaction in you, remember to practice. Make it a goal to practice every day.

Over time, you will notice that you can take on bigger and more significant incidents. A friend let you down. A coworker got that promotion you were after. As you start tackling the bigger stuff, you will find that the practice is the same. The emotions perhaps are stronger, and you are probably bringing up a bigger story from your past. “Why does this always happen to me?” “I am always overlooked.” “She always lets me down.” Those are all stories from the past at this point. You do not need to entertain them in the moment when they come up. In fact, the worst time to process such thoughts is when you are emotionally compromised. Just with that guy who cut you off in traffic, remember to take some deep breaths. Let the anger and all the associated thoughts just dissipate. Don’t feed them. If you have practiced with the little stuff, you will notice an increasing ability to handle the bigger stuff with the same approach.

Over time, this practice will introduce more and more content moments throughout your day. The benefit accumulates and as you start being able to tackle bigger problems, you will notice more happiness enter your life.

Enjoy your practice!

About the author: Dr. Seda Gragossian is the Clinical Director at the Talk Therapy Psychology Center in San Diego, where she helps people work through mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, and many others.

Dr. Seda Gragossian, PhD, PSY 24901
Clinical Director

(858) 205-2490
Talk Therapy Psychology Center
5935 Cornerstone Ct W, Ste 125
San Diego, CA, 92121
www.talktherapycenter.com

3 Reasons Why You Should Never Use Alcohol as a Pain Killer

At times, Talk Therapy Psychology Center hosts articles and important announcements from our partners and clients. Here is a meaningful post from one of our regular contributors, Joe Cervantes:

“People drink alcohol for many reasons. But as a society, we have been using it as a pain killer for hundreds of years. Alcohol is often a less costly substitute for more expensive pain medications. You don’t need a prescription, and there’s a pharmacy where you can buy it on every corner in every major city.

But despite its numbing effects, there are a few significant reasons why you should never use alcohol as a pain killer or as a way to manage chronic pain.

It Causes More Pain

Alcohol ultimately brings more pain. Daily alcohol use can diminish your overall health and increase your chances of long-term, chronic pain and other diseases, such as heart and liver failure, diabetes, and stroke. Alcohol may take the pain away temporarily but the long-term damage to your body as a result of using alcohol as an analgesic is just not worth it.

It is a Deadly Band-Aid

Alcohol prevents you from addressing the root cause of your pain. When you are numbed out on alcohol, it is much easier to ignore our chronic pain. Pain is a mechanism our bodies use to alert us of imbalances, diseases, and illnesses. Instead of numbing the pain we should instead learn how to manage it or cure it altogether with healthier and more natural solutions. Pain management requires patience, discipline, and an acute level of self-awareness that is simply not possible when we are intoxicated all the time. Pouring alcohol on your pain will ultimately only make matters worse.

It Ain’t All That

Alcohol is really not that great of a pain killer. Many self-medicating drinkers might disagree here. But the amount of alcohol one must drink in order to feel pain relief is significantly more toxic than that of more effective pain remedies. There is a reason why the pharmaceutical companies have flooded the market with more effective pain killers for the past century, and none of these include alcohol as an active ingredient. Today, we have discovered more natural pain relief compounds that are highly effective in helping patients manage pain. Remember this next time you reach for the bottle to kill the pain. Research some of the more natural and safe options that are out there instead.

If you are in a lot of pain and using alcohol to cope, these three reasons might not have much of an impact on your attitude about drinking right now. But just for a moment consider the long-term effects of your regular alcohol use. Is it really worth sacrificing your future health and well-being for temporary pain relief?

Consider instead making some serious lifestyle changes that revolve around actively managing your pain instead of masking it:

Dietary changes alone, such as eliminating simple sugars and processed foods, can dramatically reduce your pain levels. Often, pain is caused by inflammation in the joints. Alcohol and sugar both contribute significantly to inflammation and other joint dysfunctions. Drinking more water and eating vegetable and lean protein, for example, can help reduce pain and inflammation.

Take the time that you usually spend drinking to research the natural supplements for pain management that are available. Spend the money you’re spending on alcohol on some healthier pain management alternatives. And remember, pain is a natural part of being human. It is our body’s way of alerting us of imbalances and trauma. It is up to us to listen to our body and supply it with the nourishment it needs to naturally combat pain. At the end of the day nature is ultimately the best pain killer.”

About the Author:

Joseph Cervantes is an advocate for the de-stigmatizing of addiction and for the development of progressive treatment approaches. As a writer in the addiction treatment space and former community organizer he has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of individuals struggling with various addictions and mental health issues. Having completed several IOP and inpatient programs himself over the past 20 years, he offers a unique perspective into the treatment and recovery experience through both a “patient” and “practitioner” lens.

At the Talk Therapy Psychology Center, we strive to give you the right tools to cope, the skills to deal with setbacks, and the ability to believe in, and rely on your own strengths.

(858) 205-2490
www.talktherapycenter.com

Dr. Seda Gragossian of Talk Therapy Psychology Center interviewed by www.RehabReviews.com

www.RehabReviews.com is the world’s largest rehab review site. Fortune Magazine called them the “Yelp! for rehabs”.

Recently, our very own, Dr. Seda Gragossian, was interviewed about what makes Talk Therapy Psychology Center different. The article talked about the gray areas between sober and using, the merits of harm reduction, and the importance of creating a personalized treatment plan.

Talk Therapy Psychology Center continues to make a positive contribution to the community. Most importantly, people are getting better.

Read her interview here: Treatment that meets you where you’re at.

Dr. Seda Gragossian, interviewed on the Radio about Talk Therapy’s unique approach

Our very own, Dr. Seda Gragossian, of the Talk Therapy Psychology Center, was interviewed by Empire Radio Now. Empire  Radio brings together successful professionals to talk about how they have built successful practices.

Dr. Gragossian was asked to discuss how Talk Therapy Psychology Center is different from other centers. She spoke of building trust with the client, incorporating different modalities into the treatment plan, and the importance of meeting clients where they are at.

You can access the recording here.

Finding Happiness and Clarity after Addiction

At times, Talk Therapy Psychology Center hosts articles and important announcements from our partners and clients. Here is a meaningful post from one of our regular contributors, Joe Cervantes:

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

Our addictions are so often shrouded in negativity and unhappiness. That unhappiness often carries directly over into life after addiction even despite abstaining. Let’s face it, changing certain behavior is hard. Life after addiction often brings past negativity to the surface so we can deal with it head on. It’s not always fun. But ultimately life without addiction gives us the chance to celebrate the positive aspects of life on a daily basis and discover unique moments of profound happiness and clarity.

Good things happen almost automatically when we eliminate an addictive behavior from our life. But even better things happen when we couple our abstinence with the deliberate creation of a new and improved lifestyle for ourselves.

  • Our confidence and self-esteem increases.
  • We become more healthy.
  • We look better.
  • We strengthen our relationships and connections with others.
  • We discover moments of bliss that are way better than being intoxicated.
  • We refocus our energy on more beneficial things like health, family and career.
  • We take greater risks.
  • We get organized.
  • We set goals.
  • We save money.
  • We write books, start businesses, and take dream vacations.
  • We finally start living!

But happiness and clarity don’t always come easy, especially to those new to life without addiction. Remember, you’re going through significant changes when you make the decision to kick your vice or take on a major lifestyle shift. It’s going to be uncomfortable at times, and you might feel the walls closing in on you on occasion. You might sometimes miss the relationship you had with your habit. You might experience withdrawals. You might have to say I’m sorry to someone or right some wrongs that you’ve committed. You might lose some friends. Life after addiction might seem like a dark place at times–so dark you might even question why you’re even trying and be tempted to go back to your old way of life.

But there is a way out of the darkness. The key to happiness in life after addiction seems to be a fine balance between patience, dedication to the work, setting specific goals, having a solid support system, living in the present moment, and perhaps most importantly, having a relentless attitude for success. Your attitude drives every decision you make and gives YOU control over your own happiness. Your happiness is ultimately up to you. Not your therapist or a rehab center. Not your partner or spouse. Not your friends or a judge. Your happiness is completely up to you!

Combine your positive attitude with action and you’ll immediately reach the island of happiness. The Dalai Lama reminds us that “happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” Often we think of happiness as some distant island in a far off place that we need to swim to. The waters between us and the island might represent the struggles we are facing in our newfound abstinence. But happiness is not out there on some distant shore. It is found in the satisfaction of our work and in our forward momentum. It is found in the countless hours of action we invest in ourselves and toward a better life. If we have an unwavering attitude of success and are willing to commit to the work, we will ultimately discover a profound level of happiness and clarity in life after addiction.

About the Author:

Joseph Cervantes is an advocate for the de-stigmatizing of addiction and for the development of progressive treatment approaches. As a writer in the addiction treatment space and former community organizer he has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of individuals struggling with various addictions and mental health issues. Having completed several IOP and inpatient programs himself over the past 20 years, he offers a unique perspective into the treatment and recovery experience through both a “patient” and “practitioner” lens.

At the Talk Therapy Psychology Center, we strive to give you the right tools to cope, the skills to deal with setbacks, and the ability to believe in, rely on your own strengths.

www.TalkTherapyCenter.com

Is addiction a choice or an illness?

Is addiction a choice or an illness? I will present the elements involved and let you be the judge.

This questions has been debated by experts in the field for quiet some time and has created a divide in the recovery community. My research and experience tells me that the answer is not so black and white. I am a firm believer in the ability of human beings to make choices and to live with the consequences of those choices. At the same time, to make healthy choices, one must be equipped with a healthy mind.
 
There are multiple layers to addiction:
 
1. Biochemical dependence on the substance leading to cravings and urges. The brain is accustomed to the endorphins produced by the substance. This creates a dilemma for the brain: do I do the thing that I know works right now, or do I “make the choice” of not using, in hopes of some greater benefit sometime in the future? You see, the brain is motivated to take care of itself in the moment.
 
2. Behavioral dependence. The mind has been conditioned to use substances; in other words, a habit has been formed. The behavior has been reinforced over and over again, and the substance has been associated with various positive outcomes in the moment. We all know how difficult it is to change a behavior regardless of how many times we choose to change the behavior. We behave in the way we are conditioned to behave. Where does choice come into play?
 
3. Emotional dependence. Drugs and alcohol are effective ways to cope with emotional distress in the moment. The addicted person has learned to rely on his/her drug of choice for coping. Deficient coping skills, or lacking the habits of practicing healthy coping skills, prohibits the person from making choices in the moment of emotional distress, as the choices do not necessarily exist to cope properly in the moment.
 
4. Lowered levels of distress tolerance. The person who has been abusing drugs or alcohol has reduced tolerance for emotional and physical pain. Building distress tolerance is similar to developing muscle memory to ride a bicycle or to swim. If a person has relied on substances to cope, the person has diminished ability to cope than the average non-abuser.
 
As can be seen, there are a lot of factors to consider and the argument for either choice or illness is not so clear-cut. Many therapists rely on methods that align with one approach or the other. In my experience, a well-rounded approach must allow for both, and must incorporate methods to address both the choices that are made and the potentially underlying illness. Regardless of the position you take, there is a path to recovery. Read my next blog for suggestions.
 
About the author: Dr. Seda Gragossian is the Clinical Director at the Talk Therapy Psychology Center in San Diego, where she helps people work through mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, and many others.
 
Dr. Seda GragossianPhD, PSY 24901
(858) 205-2490
 
Clinical Director
Talk Therapy Psychology Center
5935 Cornerstone Ct W, Ste 125
San Diego, CA, 92121
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Turning your fear into strength

At times, Talk Therapy Psychology Center hosts articles and important announcements from our partners and clients. Here is a meaningful post from one of our regular contributors:

 

“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.”  ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

 

Contrary to what our society often tells us, fear is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness. It is a natural human response to danger or discomfort that even the bravest of brave have felt. It is a healthy emotion that has served us throughout the evolution of humanity.

 

But as natural as fear is, it can also consume us in an unhealthy way and prevent us from growing. Fear can stop us dead in our tracks and hold us hostage in a state of inaction.

 

Personal development begins when we identify our fears, analyze them in a non-judgmental way, and proactively change our behavior as a result. True strength is not the absence of fear. True strength is the courage to face our fears head on, whatever they may be.

 

Changing behavior around drug or alcohol abuse typically involves dealing with a variety of fears. Fear of “fitting in,” fear of feeling pain, fear of losing friends, fear of digging up painful memories, and fear of our relationships changing with others are just a few of the fears that may surface throughout our recovery.

 

Another common fear is the fear of being “exposed” for having a substance abuse problem if we choose to get help. What will our loved ones or friends think of us if we decide to make a deliberate change in our behavior? These fears can keep us paralyzed and prevent us from getting help or making positive improvements in our lives.

 

Just remember these fears are normal, and they are O.K. These fears don’t make us weak; on the contrary, we become empowered the moment we are able to see these fears for what they are. They are only thoughts. Remember, personal development begins when we identify our fears, analyze them, and proactively change our behavior as a result.

 

The good news is that facing your fears gets easier with time, practice, and with the help of a solid support system and a structured lifestyle. Facing your fears is not always easy but ultimately it will be one of the most rewarding decisions you make in your lifetime.

 

About the Author:

 

Joseph Cervantes is an advocate for the de-stigmatizing of addiction and for the development of progressive treatment approaches. As a writer in the addiction treatment space and former community organizer he has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of individuals struggling with various addictions and mental health issues. Having completed several IOP and inpatient programs himself over the past 20 years, he offers a unique perspective into the treatment and recovery experience through both a “patient” and “practitioner” lens.

 

How do I persuade a loved one to get help?

It is very difficult to watch a loved one make destructive choices for themselves, whether it is by abusing drugs and alcohol, engaging in toxic relationships, or even by not taking care of themselves. Our loved ones may or may not be open to the idea that their behavior is causing harm. Even if they are open to the idea, they may not be ready to change their behavior. Here are some suggestions on how to approach such a delicate matter:
  • Make sure you are taking care of yourself first. It does not help anyone if you are letting go of your own health and self-care because you are so preoccupied by someone else’s health. If you do, you are ultimately doing just as your loved one is doing — not taking care of oneself.
  • Ask your loved one if he/she is open to seeking help. If not, ask whether he or she would be willing to attend a consulting session with you, as the situation is really affecting you.
  • Set firm and healthy boundaries with the person. One of the best ways to bring about change in others is by changing the way we interact with them. Let’s say you are financially supporting your son and your son is using part of the money to support his drinking habit. Devise a plan where the financial support is only going towards his healthy habits.
  • Search your heart for empathy and understanding. You will need to change many of your own behaviors if you are truly interested in bringing about change in your loved one. You will find that changing your own behavior will come at a cost and will most likely be challenging, because human beings are resistant to change. Use this to help build empathy and understanding for your loved one. Imagine how difficult it must be for them to make changes. Approaching the situation with empathy and understanding could drastically impact the outcome of what you are trying to achieve.
  • Consult with a professional.

About the author: Dr. Seda Gragossian is the Clinical Director at the Talk Therapy Psychology Center in San Diego, where she helps people work through mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and addiction.

 
858 205-2490

What is the #1 addiction?

Take a guess. What do you think the most widespread addiction is? Do you think it’s alcohol, marijuana, meth, cocaine, sex, or chocolate? It is actually none of those. The most widespread addiction is the addiction to “thinking”. Yes, that’s right. Thinking is what most of us are addicted to.Do you remember the last time you had no thoughts? And by thought, I don’t mean just fearful or negative thoughts but any thought. Our mind is constantly busy thinking about anything that may appear benign to excruciatingly painful. If you stop and observe, you will see that your mind is constantly running one thought after another. Here are some categories of thoughts:
  • Planning and reviewing tasks and responsibilities, sometimes over and over. Sometimes, we are actually playing out the task in our heads as if we are performing it.
  • Going over interactions we have had with others, whether they were positive or negative, and all the things we should have, or not have said
  • Analyzing the choices that we have made in the past and all the things that we “should” have done differently
  • Predicting the future and all the things that could potentially go wrong.
  • Judging the present moment and all the things that are wrong with it, whether it has to do with the weather, people around us, what we have or don’t have, and on and on.
As you notice, we are either judging the past, judging the present, planning, or predicting the future.
 
No matter what thought the mind is thinking, there is no doubt that some kind of association, interpretation, or judgment is taking place. You may think that many of your thoughts are neutral but are they really? Reflect a bit on your thoughts and you will see that thoughts are not capable of being neutral. For example a thought might arise such as: “It is a sunny day.” Sounds pretty neutral, right? Not really! Think about all the associations that follow as soon as you think that thought. Think about everything that a sunny day has evolved to mean to you. If you are at work, you might be thinking “I wish I could go to the beach on a sunny day like this.” If you are at home, you might be thinking “I am not taking advantage of this sunny day.” Before you know it, one thought leads to another and you are caught up in your head.
 
The point of this article is to raise awareness. The incessant need for mind chatter is unhealthy and most people are not even aware of this taking place. This addictive thinking contributes to anxiety, and keeps you focused on past disfunctions and future fears. While the thinking cannot be stopped, it is best to slowly start creating peaceful times throughout your day. Here are some practices that can help:
 
  • Become aware that this is happening. Just by being aware that the mind is constantly analyzing the past and fearing the future, is a great start to creating some distance between where you are and what you fear.
  • Practice being present. Focusing on the present moment helps dissipate the power of the thinking mind. This can be done through mindfulness practices, like mindful walking or sitting.
  • Meditate. There are many meditation practices that can be learned and followed, Just 10 minutes a day can create a lasting benefit. During meditation, you can become aware of the thoughts as they come and go, but don’t feed them through. Pretend they are clouds going by in the sky.
  • Exercise. When doing something physically strenuous, the mind is not able to continue its thinking process. Instead, energy is diverted to carrying out a task.
  • Focus on your breathing. With eyes open or closed, focus your attention on the air going in through your nose, moving down into the body, and coming back out. This is a timeless practice that is very effective at slowing down the thinking mind.
  • Practice letting go. This can be a more advanced step than the others and, in fact, requires that you have some level of awareness and distance already created with the thinking process. When a thought arises that is problematic, such as an evaluation of something who has hurt you in the past, try letting the thought go without grasping it. Pretty soon, another thought will pop into the mind that may be less emotionally charged. It is actually easier to practice letting go with simple things. For instance, you are waiting for a parking spot at a busy store and someone comes and gets the available spot that you were in line for. That’s a simple matter. Let that thought go. Practice enough with the little stuff so that when you are dealing with a traumatic situation, you have some experience with what letting go feels like.
 
Over time, by introducing simple methods into your day, and doing so consistently, you will start to see some distance between who you are and the contents of your thought stream. In a sense, if thinking is an addiction, consider this a practice in moderation.
 
 
 
About the author: Dr. Seda Gragossian is the Clinical Director at the Talk Therapy Psychology Center in San Diego, where she helps people work through mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, and many others.
 
 
858 205-2490
 

Finding peace when addicted

At times, Talk Therapy Psychology Center hosts articles and important announcements from our partners and clients. Here is a meaningful post from one of our regular contributors, Joe Cervantes:

Finding Peace When We are Addicted

If you are dealing with an active addiction you know how difficult it is to find inner peace. It’s difficult to tap into that peaceful place — the calmness, serenity, stillness, acceptance, and reassurance — when the dark cloud of addiction follows you everywhere you go.

You find yourself consumed by the negative emotions and physical pains synonymous with your addiction. Your behaviors are shrouded in regret, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, body aches, and other negative feelings.

How do you find peace within yourself when you are knee deep in the fallout of your own non-productive behaviors? Is peace even possible when you constantly feel like you are living on shaky ground? Perhaps even a more important question: Do you even deserve to feel any peace at all?

Finding peace within ourselves during our active addiction is not only possible but it is an essential first step in facing our addiction head on. Popular wisdom tells us that we must get completely clean and sober before we stand a chance of experiencing any level of inner peace. This notion is absolutely backwards.

Seeking inner peace, not just sobriety, should be your top priority if you are looking for a long term solution to your addiction. Yes, it’s true inner peace will become exponentially easier to achieve the longer you remain clean and sober. But you can begin to incorporate life principles right now that will help you tap into your well of inner peace for a lifetime to come.

Six Steps to More Inner Peace

Regardless of how bad your hangover is today here are six steps you can begin taking right at this moment toward an increased sense of inner peace. If you consciously incorporate these feel good activities into each day over the next month you will eventually find yourself relying more on these principles for overall well being and less on your addiction.

  1. Gratitude – Although finding the good in life can be challenging, gratitude is a direct channel to inner peace. Regularly focusing on the things you are grateful for actually releases endorphins and over time changes your physiology to a more peaceful state.
  2. Self Forgiveness – Reminding yourself that you are human and are bound to make mistakes, and not beating yourself up, will result in a more peaceful mindset. This is easier said than done but consistently forgiving yourself for your mistakes and imperfections should be a daily priority.
  3. Living in the Moment – Depression occurs when we have regrets about the past and anxiety occurs when we worry about the future. Sage wisdom throughout the ages reminds us that the present moment is the most likely place we will discover inner peace.
  4. Routine – Peace can be discovered through familiarity. Even if you make poor choices on occasion and fall off track, maintaining a consistent, productive daily routine will lower your stress and help you deal with the problems that led you into your addiction.
  5. Identifying with Others – There is peace to be found in knowing that others are dealing with the same issues as you are. Recovery support groups are full of people in active addiction who are finding inner peace by connecting with and relating to others.
  6. Move Around – Changing your physiology can bring you a sense of immediate peace. Getting the blood flowing and exercising for even just a few minutes will release stress reducing hormones and endorphins. Take a brisk walk around the block for an immediate shot of inner peace.

Begin looking for opportunities to incorporate these practices into each day beginning today. Write them down. Focus on them. Do them. And before long you will begin to discover the glimpses of inner peace that your addiction has separated you from for so long. No matter what mistakes you made yesterday, peace is right here in front of you in this very moment for the taking. And remember, most importantly, you deserve it!

About the Author:

Joseph Cervantes is an advocate for the de-stigmatizing of addiction and for the development of progressive treatment approaches. As a writer in the addiction treatment space and former community organizer he has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of individuals struggling with various addictions and mental health issues. Having completed several IOP and inpatient programs himself over the past 20 years, he offers a unique perspective into the treatment and recovery experience through both a “patient” and “practitioner” lens.

www.TalkTherapyCenter.com