Author: Seda

Happiness is a term that is used frequently, but what is happiness? How would you describe happiness to someone who does not know what the word means? It really is a difficult term to define. Assuming we know what it means, how do we achieve it? What do we do to retain it? Does it depend on internal or external factors?

Happiness is a state of being — an internal process that is independent of external forces. Happiness is a state of freedom — freedom from judgment, thoughts and worries, what ifs, should’s and could’s, comparisons, expectations, disappointments, anger, resentment, and so on. It is a state of contentment, a state where one fully accepts the moment as it is, without expecting it to be anything more or less.

Happiness that is based on what happens or does not happen, what is gained and what is lost, what others say or not say, what we posses or are missing, what we look like or how old we are, is not happiness at all. If we base our happiness on all of these external factors, as you can imagine, happiness will become a fleeting state as external factors fluctuate constantly. Happiness will inevitably be short-lived as everything in life is short-lived. Making space for anything and everything that happens in our lives, whether we have control over it or not, is key to happiness. This does not mean we should not work towards creating comfort and pleasures in our lives and achieving financial or other types of success. On the contrary, a free and happy state is more likely to pursue success in various aspects of life.

How do you work towards becoming happy? Practice acceptance of things as they are. Happiness is compromised when we fight reality. Reality will always prevail. You might as well go with it. Acceptance is something you can practice and get better at with time. It may be too much to expect that on day one you will be able to accept a very difficult situation. So, it’s best to practice with little things.

Did someone cut you off in traffic? Just take a deep breath, and let those anger thoughts just dissipate. Don’t feed a story in your mind about the other person’s intentions. Just practice accepting that small event and then let it go.

If you pay attention, you will notice many events throughout your day that will give you an opportunity to practice. As these events take place, pay attention to the emotions that arise in you. Focus on your breathing and keep in mind that you are practicing. You can even turn it into a game. With every little thing that you notice that creates some negative reaction in you, remember to practice. Make it a goal to practice every day.

Over time, you will notice that you can take on bigger and more significant incidents. A friend let you down. A coworker got that promotion you were after. As you start tackling the bigger stuff, you will find that the practice is the same. The emotions perhaps are stronger, and you are probably bringing up a bigger story from your past. “Why does this always happen to me?” “I am always overlooked.” “She always lets me down.” Those are all stories from the past at this point. You do not need to entertain them in the moment when they come up. In fact, the worst time to process such thoughts is when you are emotionally compromised. Just with that guy who cut you off in traffic, remember to take some deep breaths. Let the anger and all the associated thoughts just dissipate. Don’t feed them. If you have practiced with the little stuff, you will notice an increasing ability to handle the bigger stuff with the same approach.

Over time, this practice will introduce more and more content moments throughout your day. The benefit accumulates and as you start being able to tackle bigger problems, you will notice more happiness enter your life.

Enjoy your practice!

About the author: Dr. Seda Gragossian is the Clinical Director at the Talk Therapy Psychology Center in San Diego, where she helps people work through mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, and many others.

Dr. Seda Gragossian, PhD, PSY 24901
Clinical Director

(858) 205-2490
Talk Therapy Psychology Center
5935 Cornerstone Ct W, Ste 125
San Diego, CA, 92121
www.talktherapycenter.com

At times, Talk Therapy Psychology Center hosts articles and important announcements from our partners and clients. Here is a meaningful post from one of our regular contributors, Joe Cervantes:

“People drink alcohol for many reasons. But as a society, we have been using it as a pain killer for hundreds of years. Alcohol is often a less costly substitute for more expensive pain medications. You don’t need a prescription, and there’s a pharmacy where you can buy it on every corner in every major city.

But despite its numbing effects, there are a few significant reasons why you should never use alcohol as a pain killer or as a way to manage chronic pain.

It Causes More Pain

Alcohol ultimately brings more pain. Daily alcohol use can diminish your overall health and increase your chances of long-term, chronic pain and other diseases, such as heart and liver failure, diabetes, and stroke. Alcohol may take the pain away temporarily but the long-term damage to your body as a result of using alcohol as an analgesic is just not worth it.

It is a Deadly Band-Aid

Alcohol prevents you from addressing the root cause of your pain. When you are numbed out on alcohol, it is much easier to ignore our chronic pain. Pain is a mechanism our bodies use to alert us of imbalances, diseases, and illnesses. Instead of numbing the pain we should instead learn how to manage it or cure it altogether with healthier and more natural solutions. Pain management requires patience, discipline, and an acute level of self-awareness that is simply not possible when we are intoxicated all the time. Pouring alcohol on your pain will ultimately only make matters worse.

It Ain’t All That

Alcohol is really not that great of a pain killer. Many self-medicating drinkers might disagree here. But the amount of alcohol one must drink in order to feel pain relief is significantly more toxic than that of more effective pain remedies. There is a reason why the pharmaceutical companies have flooded the market with more effective pain killers for the past century, and none of these include alcohol as an active ingredient. Today, we have discovered more natural pain relief compounds that are highly effective in helping patients manage pain. Remember this next time you reach for the bottle to kill the pain. Research some of the more natural and safe options that are out there instead.

If you are in a lot of pain and using alcohol to cope, these three reasons might not have much of an impact on your attitude about drinking right now. But just for a moment consider the long-term effects of your regular alcohol use. Is it really worth sacrificing your future health and well-being for temporary pain relief?

Consider instead making some serious lifestyle changes that revolve around actively managing your pain instead of masking it:

Dietary changes alone, such as eliminating simple sugars and processed foods, can dramatically reduce your pain levels. Often, pain is caused by inflammation in the joints. Alcohol and sugar both contribute significantly to inflammation and other joint dysfunctions. Drinking more water and eating vegetable and lean protein, for example, can help reduce pain and inflammation.

Take the time that you usually spend drinking to research the natural supplements for pain management that are available. Spend the money you’re spending on alcohol on some healthier pain management alternatives. And remember, pain is a natural part of being human. It is our body’s way of alerting us of imbalances and trauma. It is up to us to listen to our body and supply it with the nourishment it needs to naturally combat pain. At the end of the day nature is ultimately the best pain killer.”

About the Author:

Joseph Cervantes is an advocate for the de-stigmatizing of addiction and for the development of progressive treatment approaches. As a writer in the addiction treatment space and former community organizer he has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of individuals struggling with various addictions and mental health issues. Having completed several IOP and inpatient programs himself over the past 20 years, he offers a unique perspective into the treatment and recovery experience through both a “patient” and “practitioner” lens.

At the Talk Therapy Psychology Center, we strive to give you the right tools to cope, the skills to deal with setbacks, and the ability to believe in, and rely on your own strengths.

(858) 205-2490
www.talktherapycenter.com

At times, Talk Therapy Psychology Center hosts articles and important announcements from our partners and clients. Here is a meaningful post from one of our regular contributors, Joe Cervantes:

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

Our addictions are so often shrouded in negativity and unhappiness. That unhappiness often carries directly over into life after addiction even despite abstaining. Let’s face it, changing certain behavior is hard. Life after addiction often brings past negativity to the surface so we can deal with it head on. It’s not always fun. But ultimately life without addiction gives us the chance to celebrate the positive aspects of life on a daily basis and discover unique moments of profound happiness and clarity.

Good things happen almost automatically when we eliminate an addictive behavior from our life. But even better things happen when we couple our abstinence with the deliberate creation of a new and improved lifestyle for ourselves.

• Our confidence and self-esteem increases.
• We become more healthy.
• We look better.
• We strengthen our relationships and connections with others.
• We discover moments of bliss that are way better than being intoxicated.
• We refocus our energy on more beneficial things like health, family and career.
• We take greater risks.
• We get organized.
• We set goals.
• We save money.
• We write books, start businesses, and take dream vacations.
• We finally start living!

But happiness and clarity don’t always come easy, especially to those new to life without addiction. Remember, you’re going through significant changes when you make the decision to kick your vice or take on a major lifestyle shift. It’s going to be uncomfortable at times, and you might feel the walls closing in on you on occasion. You might sometimes miss the relationship you had with your habit. You might experience withdrawals. You might have to say I’m sorry to someone or right some wrongs that you’ve committed. You might lose some friends. Life after addiction might seem like a dark place at times–so dark you might even question why you’re even trying and be tempted to go back to your old way of life.

But there is a way out of the darkness. The key to happiness in life after addiction seems to be a fine balance between patience, dedication to the work, setting specific goals, having a solid support system, living in the present moment, and perhaps most importantly, having a relentless attitude for success. Your attitude drives every decision you make and gives YOU control over your own happiness. Your happiness is ultimately up to you. Not your therapist or a rehab center. Not your partner or spouse. Not your friends or a judge. Your happiness is completely up to you!

Combine your positive attitude with action and you’ll immediately reach the island of happiness. The Dalai Lama reminds us that “happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” Often we think of happiness as some distant island in a far off place that we need to swim to. The waters between us and the island might represent the struggles we are facing in our newfound abstinence. But happiness is not out there on some distant shore. It is found in the satisfaction of our work and in our forward momentum. It is found in the countless hours of action we invest in ourselves and toward a better life. If we have an unwavering attitude of success and are willing to commit to the work, we will ultimately discover a profound level of happiness and clarity in life after addiction.

About the Author:

Joseph Cervantes is an advocate for the de-stigmatizing of addiction and for the development of progressive treatment approaches. As a writer in the addiction treatment space and former community organizer he has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of individuals struggling with various addictions and mental health issues. Having completed several IOP and inpatient programs himself over the past 20 years, he offers a unique perspective into the treatment and recovery experience through both a “patient” and “practitioner” lens.

At the Talk Therapy Psychology Center, we strive to give you the right tools to cope, the skills to deal with setbacks, and the ability to believe in, rely on your own strengths.

www.TalkTherapyCenter.com