If you have every intention to turn your fighting into communicating, continue to read.
Fights in a relationship are major triggers for anyone especially if you are also trying to overcome a destructive behavior such as an addiction. Fighting is about trying to convince the other person that “You are right and the other person is wrong”. ZERO result is achieved, right? If anything, both parties walk away frustrated, resentful, and more than anything hurt.
Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner took a moment and truly heard what you were really trying to communicate, better yet, wouldn’t it be nice if you took a moment and truly heard what your partner was trying to communicate. I bet you both would. I will leave you with one communication TIP today:
1. Ask your partner to identify and write down 3 needs in the relationship with you on a card and you do the same. Here is an example “1. I need your help with children’s homework, 2. I need you to hold me for one minute a day, 3. I need you to use a softer tone speaking with me.”
2. You an your partner exchange the cards.
3. Read the first item on your partner’s card. Ask as many questions as you need to figure out how to meet that need as best as possible.
4. Now, it is your partner’s turn to read your first need and follow as above.
5. Move to second and third items.
This may seem simple but it can be very powerful and effective, especially when done with the proper intention.
Seda Gragossian, PhD